Joke of the week [267 = year 6, 7#]  The Parachutist, Billy Connolly (God 4) (August 27 - September 2)

A Glasgow guy was learning no parachute and he was in the aeroplane and he went up to the instructor and said: "Look, ... I don't want to look stupid or anything, you know what I mean, but you've got to tell me again what you do, I've totally forgotten, I'm panicking." He said: "Look, there is nothing to it. Basically, you jump out of the door, a static line will open your parachute and you'll float gently to the ground." - "Aye, that's great, but look supposing it doesn't open?" He said: "In the unlikely event of your parachute failing to open" - they always say that (on) aeroplanes, don't they? 'In the unlikely event of this aeroplane crashing into a mountain and bursting into flames, there is a life-jacket under your seat. ... Put it on, come back to life, no problem!' - So he said: "In the unlikely event of your parachute failing to open, you have a reserve parachute in the front (?) with a red little handle. Give it a smart tug, it will develop, you'll float gently to the ground." He said: "That's great, sure, but what if it doesn't? Just suppose it doesn't." He said: "In the EXTREMELY unlikely event of the reserve parachute failing to develop, pray - preferably to Allah." "Yes," he said, "(but) I'm a Christian." He said: "It doesn't matter, pray to Allah." Okay. So he jumped out - nothing! And he is hurtling through the air and he is trying to get it to open - nothing! So he's (trying to deploy) the reserve (parachute) - the whole thing comes off. He is looking for his hanky. He is scudding through the sky. He says: "What's the bloody thing I have to do? Oh, yeah! ALLAH, ALLAH, HELP ME!" And a big black hand came out of the sky, picked him (up) gently and placed him softly on the ground. He said: "Well, thank Christ for that! And a big black foot went ... [sound of smashing]!!!                                             [Transcript of a live performance by Billy Connolly at The Rainbow Theatre, London (1977)]

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