12) The Psychiatrist Sketch

B: Dr Braintree (= psychiatrist)   R: Roger (= patient) 

B: Come in. [Enter Roger.] Hullo, Roger.

R: Hullo, Dr Braintree.

B: Hullo, come in.

R: Iím sorry Iím late.

B: Thatís quite all right Ė how are you?

R: Iím very well, thank you.

B: Would you like to sit down, or would you prefer to lie.  [pun: to lie:liegen to lie: lŁgen]

R: Uhm, Iíll sit, thank you.

B: Right, well, sit down. Tell me, how are you in yourself?

R: Iím feeling just great.                                             

B: Oh, this is terrific.

R: Yes, and itís more than I expected from our sessions. You know, if anyone had told me that talking to  psychiatrists could have help me at all, I would have laughed in their faces.

B: Yes.

R: But I can honestly say that our little chats together have really been of tremendous help to me.

B: Iím so glad, Roger: of course a lot of people are instinctively suspicious of psychiatry, but it can help at times.                                 to be supicious of: argwŲhnisch, misstrauisch gegenŁber

R: Well, I really think it can, because you know, Iíve got so much self-confidence now. Iím much less self- conscious in the company of the opposite sex, which I wasnít, as you know.

B: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Youíre less inhibited, are you?           inhibited/inhibition: gehemmt/Hemmung

R: [Suggestively] Oh yes,  I should say so.                               suggestive(ly): vielsagend, (auch) anzŁglich

B: Good, this is terrific.

R: And the wonderful thing about it all is Ö well, Iím in love.

B: Well, this is wonderful news, Roger Ė youíre in love. Ė With a woman?

R: Yes.

B: So much the better Ė thatís terrific.

R: You know, itís so wonderful to be in love Ė I canít tell you the absolute joy I have. Ö this girl, this creature [emotional], this goddess Ö

R: I mean, sheís

B: Yes Ö

R: Sheís so, you know, itís so right. Everything is so wonderful, you know.

B: Yes, yes Ė you really click together.

R: Yes. Oh, itís so marvellous, but Ė the only trouble is that, apart from this wonderful light-hearted love I have, I seem to be saddled with this tremendous burning sense of guilt.          guilt: Schuld     saddled with: belastet mit

B: You have guilt as well as love: well, this is unfortunate, Roger. You know, sex is the most wonderful natural, healthy thing in the world. Thereís no reason at all to have any guilt about it I mean, why should you have guilt about sex?

R: Well, itís not really as simple as that, you know Ė itís rather difficult to explain. Uhm, I donít really know where to start.

B: Well, begin at the beginning. Thatís always the best place. Whatís the girlís name.

R: [Pause] Stephanie.

B: Stephanie. Thatís a lovely name, isnít it Ė well, my wifeís name in fact, isnít it?

R: Yes, itís Stephanie.

B: Yes, itís Stephanie.

R: Yes, itís Stephanie.

B: No, itís Stephanie.

R: Yes, itís Stephanie: itís your wife.

B: Oh, youíre in love with my wife, Stephanie. Well, this is a perfectly understandable thing, Roger. Sheís a very attractive woman Ė I married her myself. I donít see why you should feel upset about that.

R: But sheís in love with me.

B: Well, this again perfectly understandable, Roger. I mean, youíre a perfectly attractive human being, as Iíve   told you over the last few weeks. Thereís nothing repulsive about you, is there? Thereís no reason why a highly sexed woman such as Stephanie should fall in love with you. And I must explain to you, Roger, that Iím a very busy man: I have many, many patients to see Ė I see rather less of my wife perhaps than I should, and I think itís perfectly understandable she should seek some sort of companionship outside the marriage Ė I donít think thatís unreasonably at all.                        repulsive/repulsion/to repel: abstoŖend/abstoŖen/AbstoŖung

R: But sheís not seeking anything outside marriage Ė nor am I. We want to get married.

B: Well, this is understandable. After all, youíre two young people in love and you want to express your feelings within the confines of a bourgeois society through marriage. I think itís very appropriate. bourgeois: ['bu6$w%]

R: The awful thing is, you see Ė I should feel grateful to you for what youíve done. And all I can feel is this burning jealousy Ė I canít bear the thought of you touching her.    confines ≈ limits ≈ borders: Grenzen    jealousy: Eifersucht

B: Well, of course, I understand this. One is tremendously possessive about someone one loves Ö it would be unhealthy not to have this jealousy reaction, Roger.

R: But donít you see Ė I hate you.

B: Of course you hate me, Roger.

R: I hate you for being so near her.

B: Yes, of course you hate me, Roger. You love to hate the one who loves the one you hate to love the one you hate. This is a very old rule, Roger Ė thereís nothing to feel ashamed about. Itís absolutely reasonable.

R: Donít you understand Ė I want to kill you.

B: Of course you want t kill me. Because by killing me , Roger, you eradicate the one you hate. This is a perfectly natural reaction, Roger.                                                                 to eradicate: ausrotten

R: Youíre so reasonable, arenít you.

B: Yes, I am.

R: [Getting cross] You understand it all so much Ö you are so logical. [Gets up to strike him.] cross (with sb.): bŲse (auf jmd.)

B: Yes, I am Ė itís my job.

R: Iím going to have to kill you now!

B: Ah Ė Roger Ė this is a little inconvenient, because I have another patient a six-thirty and then thereís someone else at seven after that. I wonder if you could make it some time next week. [Standing over him.] Could you make it early in the week, say?                   (in)convenient: (un)passend, (un)gŁnstig [Termin etc.]

R: [Pause Ė relax] When do you think?

B: How are you fixed on Wednesday morning? Say nine-thirty Ė would that be convenient?      to be fixed on/for:

R: Yes, thatís perfect.                                                                              ďwie stehtís mitĒ

B: Right, well, if you could pop along at nine-thirty and kill me then.              to pop along: ďmal reinschauenĒ

R: Once again, Doctor Braintree, Iím amazed, you know, really. Iím so grateful to you for showing me the way.

B: Thatís what Iím here for, Roger.

R: Thank you very much. Thank you.

B: And with a bit of luck, this should be the last time you have to visit me.  

see also psychiatrist cartoons & jokes            

see also more sketches         back to RAZZAMATAZZ        back to homepage

THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE