Bank Robber BM: Bank Manager
Scene: A slightly stupid bank robber rehearses his hold-up (1). He storms into the bank, gets completely
confused and the bank manager has to ďhelpĒ him.
(rehearsing, maybe in front of a mirror) Hands
up, this is a hold-up! Hold up your hands, this is a stick-up (2). Stick up your hands, this is a hold up! Give
me the money! Oh, I must get that right. Give me the money. Hands up, this is a
stick-up, give me the money. Hands up, this is a stick-up, give me the money. (repeated
several times) Oh, yes thatís it. Hands up, this is a stick-up, give me
the money. (repeated several times) Hands up, give me the money Ė
into the bank) Hold hands, this is an up-stick. Up with your
sticks, this is a hand-hold.
I beg your pardon?
I mean, this is a stick-up, a hold-stick.
I mean a hand-stick.
Ah, I see, you mean this is a hold-up.
Yes, thatís right, itís a hold-up, yes. Up with your hands and give
me your money.
What do you mean how?
How do I give you the money with my hands up?
You put your hands up and give me the money. No, you give me the money
and then put your hands up. Oh, I donít know. You work it out for
yourself, but give me the money.
No, I donít think I will.
Why should I?
Iíve got a gun, stupid!
(completely unimpressed) Yes.
And itís loaded with real bullets
(3) and if I fire it, youíll be dead, all sprawled (4) on the floor Ė dead.
Well, go on then, shoot me!
Do you mean that?
What, cross your heart and hope to die
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Oh, stop messing about! Give me the money.
But you donít understand, I donít want to shoot you
I know that.
You see, you are supposed to be terrified of my threats.
And I waggle (6) the gun.
you give me the money. And then I run out with the bag.
if I take the wrong one you call me back and give me the right one.
right then, shall we do it again?
your eyes. I wonít go all the way out, Iíll just go a little way Ö.
(pretends to come again) Up with your hands, and give me your money! (alarm
bell rings) What did you press that for? Itís the alarm bell.
police will be round here any minute.
better be quick!
they take me away and put me in prison?
hurry up and go away then.
without the money?
hurry up, theyíll be here any moment.
I wonít go!
on, you idiot. I donít want you to go to prison.
stupid, with a trusting and knowing undertone) I
know you donít.
BR: (stubborn) No, Iím not going!
commanding and pleading) Go on!
unmoved by BMís pleading) Wonít go!
in) All right then, take the money.
(Takes the money and runs off.)
2) stick-up (informal):
bullet: PRONUNCIATION! [u]
4) cross my heart and hope to die: groŖes Ehrenwort 5) to waggle: wedeln, fuchteln