Hi folks, here is the
news! (THE NEWS, PART 1)
The Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon today left on a tour of friendly
countries. He’ll be back tomorrow.
2) Rome, the Vatican:
A priest, who rode his bicycle the wrong way up the “Autostrada del
Sole”, was asked how on earth avoided
an accident. He replied “God was with me”. He was further charged with
having an extra passenger on his
It was revealed that Jack Straw the British Foreign Secretary went on a
secret holiday to the Canary Islands, where he managed to remain anonymous and
unrecognised. He said it was just like being at
4) Baltimore, USA:
Doctors at the renowned medical school of Hopkins University have now
agreed on a scientifically fool-proof
definition of “brain death”. It is when you enjoy watching Al Bundy.
5) Dublin, Ireland :
Three men in Ireland accused of attacking a religious shrine deny that
they have ever been near the Guinness Brewery.
6) Paris, France :
Secret government documents have been leaked to the French press that
show that President Mitterand originally wanted to have three tunnels to connect
France to the United Kingdom: One for exporting French produce to Britain, one
for returning British goods to Britain and a third for exploding nuclear
7) Ballycastle, County Donegal, Ireland :
Pub owner Patrick O’Brien, who practices as an amateur dentist, pulls
teeth out using only whiskey as
painkiller. Customers say he isn’t much good as a dentist, but they claim he
has the best mouthwash for miles around.
8) Havana, Cuba :
Figures released today show that in Cuba, three out of every ten men work
for the nationalised industry, while the
other 7 sit and watch them.
Well, here we go again! (THE NEWS, PART 2)
9) Madrid, Spain:
Interesting statistics were published today which reveal why Spanish husbands get out of bed at night. It seems that 5 per cent get up with insomnia, that is they can't sleep. 10 per cent get up to go to the bathroom and the remaining 85 per cent get up and go home.
10) Melbourne, Australia:
Scientists have found new proof of the intelligence of dolphins. Dolphins, they report, are so clever that within a few weeks of being caught they can train a man to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish three times a day.
11) Ankara, Turkey:
The experiment to try to reduce accidents on Turkish roads by using dummy policemen proved a complete success since several of the dummies have been promoted to the rank of superintendent.
12) Naples, Italy:
The drug-smuggling gang who used fruit and vegetable trucks to distribute heroin at a motorway service station said they should have realized that the sight of fresh food at a service area was bound to arouse suspicion.
13) Washington, The White House, USA:
President Bush is said to
insist on a re-play of the German-American football match last Friday as the
German side did not play by the rules. They used a funny, kinda round ball and
not the standard spheroid one.
This should do for a start. More news will follow. More news will follow. More news will follow. More news will follow. More news will follow . W.E.P.
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