JOKE(S) OF THE
WEEK: FIFTH YEAR
of the week [209 = year 5, #1]: "Yank bashing"(2)
(July 17, 2006 - July 23, 2006)
radio conversation between a US Navy ship and Canadian officials:
Canadians: Please divert your course 5 degrees south to avoid a
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 5 degrees north to avoid a
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 5 degrees
south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Lincoln, the
second-largest ship in the United States
Atlantic fleet! We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers
and numerous other
support ships. I demand that you change your course 5 degrees north, or
measures will be
taken to ensure the safety of this ship!
Canadians: This is a lighthouse.
of the week [210 = year 5, #2]:"Yank bashing"(3)
(July 24, 2006 - July 30, 2006)
kids were sitting on a cliff eating their lunch. The Japanese kid says, "If
my dad packs me sushi one more time, I'm going to jump off this cliff".
The Mexican kid says, "If my mom packs me a bean burrito one more day in
a row, I'm going to jump off this cliff". The American kid says, "I
know what you mean. If I get a turkey sandwich one more day, I'll jump off
this cliff". A few days later, at the group funeral for all three kids,
the Japanese and Mexican parents are talking and saying, "If only we had
known. We would have packed him something different. The American parent says
"It's not my fault, my son packed his own lunch!"
of the week [211 = year 5, #3]: "Bush bashing" (1)
(July 31, 2006 - August 6, 2006)
W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a
little girl carrying a basket with a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the
girl, "What's in the basket?"
"New baby kittens," she replies, and she opens the basket to show
"How nice," says Bush. "What kind are they?"
The little girl says, "Republicans."
Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.
Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove*. They see the little girl again with the same basket. Bush says, "Watch
this, Karl -- it's really cute."
They approach the little girl. Bush greets her and asks how the kittens are
doing, and she says, "Fine."
Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl,
"And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?"
She replies, "Democrats."
Aghast, Bush says, "But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!"
"I know," she says. "But now their eyes are open."
* or Laura Bush or Vice-President Cheney
of the week [212 = year 5, #4]: "Bush bashing" (2)
(August 7, 2006 - August 13, 2006)
After numerous rounds
of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a
letter in his own handwriting to let him know
he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a
single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H.
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleeza
Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they
sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the
CIA, then to NASA.
Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this
reply. "Tell the President he's holding
the message upside down."
of the week [213 = year 5, #5]: "Bush bashing" (3)
(August 14, 2006 - August 20, 2006)
Bush had just landed in a fighter plane on the deck of the aircraft carrier
Abraham Lincoln, which displayed a huge banner that read "MISSION
was in May of 2003 - for those of who have forgotten this incident.) Karl Rove, the
President's chief spin-doctor, thought that, after the obligatory photo-op,
Bush should give a short press conference, still clad in his flight gear. So,
surrounded by a group of hand-picked journalists, Bush answered their
questions. When asked by one of these "embedded" journalists what
his plans were for Iraq Bush replied: "Well, now that we've won the war
we're gonna divide up Iraq into three parts: premium, premium extra and diesel."
of the week [214 = year 5, #6]: "Bush bashing" (4)
(August 21, 2006 - August 27, 2006)
Arabia's ambassador to the United Nations has just finished his speech to the
General Assembly and has left for the lobby. There he meets George W. Bush.
They shake hands and engage in the usual small talk. As Bush turns to go the
Saudi Arabian ambassador he says to Bush: "Mr President, I've got a
question that has got something to do with something I've seen on American TV,
to be more exact with the series Star Trek, a series my son is a great
fan of. And it's for my son that I want to ask you this question."
"Well, what's the problem, your eminency?" Bush replies. "Well,
Mr President, the ambassador answers, "in this series, there are
Americans, even African Americans, Russians and Asians, but no Arabs and my
son is really upset about this." George W. Bush then smiles knowingly and
whispers into the ambassador's ear: "That's because the series is set in
the future ..."
of the week [215 = year 5, #7]: "military joke" (1)
(August 28, 2006 - September 3, 2006)
A man recently appointed general in the army was in his new office when a new
soldier walked in. Wishing to impress the new soldier, the general picked up
the telephone and said, "Yes, Mr. President. I'm glad you like my
suggestions. I'll come by and give you a more detailed report at the White
House a little later this week." After hanging up the telephone the
general asked, "Now, soldier, what can I do for you?" "Nothing
much, sir," said the soldier, "I just came to connect your telephone."
of the week [216 = year 5, #8]: "military joke" (2)
(September 4, 2006 - September 10, 2006)
A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: "I have a nice easy job
for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest." 19
men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man "why didn't
you raise your hand?" The man replied: "Too much trouble, sarge."
of the week [217 = year 5, #9]: "military joke" (3)
(September 11, 2006 - September 17, 2006)
Jeep in the mud
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back
road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
of the week [218 = year 5, #10]: "military joke" (4)
(September 18, 2006 – September 24, 2006)
A drill sergeant had just chewed out*
one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said,
"I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge..., no sir! I promised myself that when
I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
* to chew sb out (AmE informal): to reprimand sb
of the week [219 = year 5, #11]:"military joke" (5)
(September 25, 2006 - October 1, 2006)
A boy named Sue
guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined
"But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress
with the boys and shower with them, too,
"Sure," replied the guy.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The guy shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
of the week [220 = year 5, #12]: "fishy business" (1)
(October 2, 2006 - October 8, 2006)
A game warden in Southern Louisiana recently stopped a Cajun with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well
known for its fishing. The game warden asked
the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw,
ma' fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese are my pet fish." "Pet
fish?" "Ya. Every night I take dese
here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim
round for a while. I whistle and dey jump right back into dese ice chests
and I take dem back home." "That's a
bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The
Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said "It's de
truth ma' fren, I can show you. It really works." "Okay,
I've GOT to see this!" The Cajun poured
the fish into the bayou and stood and waited. After
several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the Cajun. "When
are you going to call them back?" "Call
who back?" "The FISH!" "What
of the week [221 = year 5, #13]: "fishy business" (2)
(October 9, 2006 - October 15, 2006)
Two young men are standing by a
river fishing when a local game warden wanders up behind them and says to them,
"Hey fellas, nice day isn't it? You fellas mind if I see your fishin'
licenses?" Well, about the time the question mark came out of the
warden's mouth one of the young men dropped his pole and took off running down
the river's edge and then up through the forest and of course the warden took
off straight after him. The warden must have chased that fella about half a
mile when the guy just stopped running and sat down on a large stump. As he
sat down he reached into his pocket and pulled out a license to fish in the
area and handed it to the winded warden saying, "here ya go, completely
legal." The warden drawing long and heavy breaths asked the young man,
"Why did you run if you have a license, we've been on this chase for
nearly a half mile through these thick woods and up and down in the valley ...
why?" The young man leaned over with his arms resting on his knees and
stared up to the bewildered warden and said "well, I happen to
have a license to fish , but my friend back there didn't.
of the week [222 = year 5, #14]: "college humour" (1)
(October 16, 2006 - October 22, 2006)
College Entrance Exam: For Football
You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.
What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture,
law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army (d)
WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c)
Hindu (d) Swedish (e)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)
8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b)
Southerners (C) NORTHERNERS
9. Spell -- CAT, DOG, PIG
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George
the Sixth. Name the
your fingers, count from 1-5
of the week [223 = year 5, #15]: "college humour" (2)
(October 23, 2006 - October 29, 2006)
I will do anything to pass
student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall,
closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him,
flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean ..."
she whispers, "... I would do ... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
His voice softens. "Anything??"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"
of the week [224 = year 5, #16]: "college humour" (3)
(October 30, 2006 - November 5, 2006)
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return
for his unselfish and exemplary behaviour, the Lord will reward him by
offering him one of three things: infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a
bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of
One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
of the week [225 = year 5, #17]: Irish joke (5)
(November 6, 2006 - November 12, 2006)
was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a
busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted,
"Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done
this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had
shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and
said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
of the week [226 = year 5, #18]: "daft definitions", ctd. (6)
(November 13, 2006, – November 19, 2006)
#23) Demote: What de king put around de
#24) Despise: De persons who work for de CIA
#25) Detention: What causes de stress
#26) Dilate: When a person lives longer
#27) Dioxin: What you say before you kill a herd of buffalo-like cattle
#28) Dreadlocks: The fear of opening the dead-bolt
of the week [227 = year 5, #19]: "tips
to improve your English" (1)
(November 20, 2006 - November 26, 2006)
1) Avoid alliteration. Always.
2) Employ the vernacular.
3) Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
4) Remember to never split an infinitive.
5) Contractions aren't necessary.
6) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
7) One should never generalize.
8) Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.
Tell me what you know."
9) Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
10) Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly
of the week [228 = year 5, #20]: "tips
to improve your English" (2)
(November 27, 2006 - December 3, 2006)
11) Profanity sucks.
more or less specific.
is always best.
is a billion times worse than understatement.
in writing are like feathers on a snake.
writer must not shift your point of view.
overuse exclamation marks!!!
pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more
words, to their
carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
of the week [229 = year 5, #21]: "tips
to improve your English" (3)
(December 4, 2006 - December 10, 2006)
21) If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a
linking verb is.
22) Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
23) Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns
in their writing.
24) Always pick on the correct idiom.
25) The adverb always follows the verb.
26) And always be sure to finish what ...
of the week [230 = year 5, #22]: Santa
Claus, two jokes
(December 11, 2006 - December 17, 2006)
of the week [231 = year 5, #23]: Santa
Claus, two more jokes
(December 18, 2006- December 24, 2006)
1) Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?
A: So he can
hoe hoe hoe.
2) Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney?
A: Because it
of the week [232 = year 5, #24]: Santa
Claus, one final joke
(December 25, 2006 - December 31, 2006)
What would you call Santa Claus if he became a detective?
A: Santa Clues.
of the week [233 = year 5, #25]: definition
(January 1, 2006 - January 7, 2007)
What is the definition of a hangover?
A: The wrath of grapes.
of the week [234 = year 5, #26]: Irish joke (8)
(January 8, 2007 - January 14, 2007)
An Irishman walks into a pub in Dublin and says, "Three pints of
please." The barkeeper says, "As you are on your own, shouldn't I
bring them one after the other?"
"You don't understand," says the man, "I used to go out
drinking every Friday night with my brothers. Now one has moved to New Zealand
and the other one to America. So with three ciders*, I carry on the
One night the man orders only two ciders. The bartender asks, "Has
something happened to one of your brothers?" "Oh, my brothers are
fine," says the man. "But I've quit drinking."
* Shurely, three
of the week [235 = year 5, #27]: card-playing dog
(January 15, 2007 - January 21, 2007)
As a man was walking past a table in a pub he noticed two men and a dog
playing cards. The dog was doing very well indeed. "That is a very clever
dog," the man said to the players." "He's not that
clever," replied one of them. "Every time he gets a good hand he
wags his tail!"
of the week [236 = year 5, #28]: yet another parrot joke!
(January 22, 2007 - January 28, 2007)
A sailor went to an auction and bid for a parrot. The sailor bid 5 pounds,
but someone else bid 10 pounds. The sailor bid 20 pounds, but someone else bid
30 pounds. The sailor bid 40 pounds, but someone else bid 50 pounds. The
sailor was determined to buy the bird and put in a final bid of 60 pounds.
This time the bid was successful and the parrot was sold to the sailor.
"That's a lot of money I've paid for this bird," said the sailor to
the auctioneer. "I hope he can talk."
"Of course he can," replied the auctioneer. "Who do you think
was bidding against you?"
of the week [237 = year 5, #29]: nagging co-driver
(January 29, 2007 - February 4, 2007)
A man and his wife were driving home after a night out when they were
pulled over by the police. "Did you know you were speeding, sir?"
asked the officer. "No officer, I had no idea I was speeding,"
replied the driver. " "Of course you did," interrupted the wife.
"You're always speeding." The officer looked at the back of the
vehicle. "And did you know your brake light isn't working, sir?"
"No, I had no idea it was broken," replied the driver. Again the
wife interrupted. "Don't talk nonsense! You're always saying you'll get
it repaired, but you are just too lazy." The officer began to sympathize
with the driver. "Does she always talk to you like this?" "Only
when he's drunk," said the wife.
of the week [238 = year 5, #30]: "time to say goodbye"
(February 5, 2007 - February 11, 2007)
of the week [239 = year 5, #31]: yet another lawyer joke
(Feb. 12, 2007 - February 18, 2007)
of the week [240 = year 5, #32]: yet another doctor joke
(February 19, 2007 - February 25, 2007)
A city doctor started a practice in the
countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick
who lived there. However, after a few house calls he stopped coming to the
farm. Puzzled, the farmer finally phoned him to ask what the matter was. The doctor said,
"It's your ducks at the entrance.
Every time I enter the farm they insult me."
If you don’t get it, see: http://www.wepsite.de/onomatopoeia(quack).htm
of the week [241 = year 5, #33]: still one more doctor joke
(February 26, 2007 - March 4, 2007)
What did the doctor say to the man who wanted to remove his own stitches?
A: "Suture yourself!"
of the week [242 = year 5, #34]: conjugating verbs
(March 5, 2007 - March 11, 2007)
The teacher to a student: "Conjugate the verb 'to walk' in the
simple present ."
The student: "I walk. You walk ..."
Impatient, the teacher interrupts him: "Quicker, please."
The student: "I run. You run ..."
of the week [243 = year 5, #35]: another exam joke
(March 12 , 2007 - March 18, 2007)
of the week [244 = year 5, #36]: an old snake ...
(March 19, 2007 - March 25, 2007)
of the week [245 = year 5, #37]: a man returns from Africa ...
(March 26, 2007 - April 1, 2007)
A man returns from
Africa and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately
rushed to the hospital for a barrage of tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at
the hospital, and the phone at his bedside rings. "This is your doctor.
We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an
extremely deadly virus, which is very contagious."
"Oh my gosh," cried the man. "What are
you going to do, doctor?"
"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas,
pancakes, and pita bread."
"Will that cure me?" asked the patient.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but it's the only
food we can get under the door."
of the week [246 = year 5, #38]: Italian joke (1)
(April 2, 2007 - April 8, 2007)
Italian customs officers
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. An Italian
customs officer stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva
people ina Quattro."
"What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.
"Quattro meansa four," replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman says,
not believing what he is hearing. "Look at the papers: this car is
designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs
agent. "Quattro meansa four. You
hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".
The Englishman replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over. We
want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come".
"He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".
of the week [247 = year 5, #39]: Italian joke (2)
(April 9, 2007 - April 15, 2007)
In Germania ha fatto scalpore il nuovo brevetto di una macchina speciale,
che permette di acciuffare ladri in soli 5 minuti. Installata negli USA, ha
fatto prendere 1000 ladri in 5 minuti. Installata in Giappone, ha fatto
prendere 6000 ladri in 5 minuti. Installata in Italia, e' stata rubata in 5
Germany a new patent for a special machine that makes it possible to catch
thieves in five minutes caused a sensation. Installed in the USA, it caught
1000 thieves in five minutes while in Japan 6000 thieves were nabbed in five
minutes. Installed in Italy it was stolen in five minutes.
of the week [248 = year 5, #40]: Italian joke (3)
(April 16, 2007 - April 22, 2007)
Quando un tedesco non sa una cosa... LA
IMPARA When a German doesn't know something... HE LEARNS IT.
Quando un americano non sa
una cosa... PAGA PER SAPERLA When an American doesn't know something... HE PAYS
TO LEARN IT.
Quando un inglese non sa
una cosa... CI
SCOMMETTE SOPRA When an Englishman doesn't know something... HE BETS ON
Quando un francese non sa
una cosa... FA FINTA
DI SAPERLA When a Frenchman doesn't know something... HE PRETENDS HE KNOWS
Quando uno spagnolo non sa
una cosa... CHIEDE CHE GLI SIA SPIEGATA When a Spaniard doesn't know something...
HE ASKS FOR AN EXPLANATION.
Quando un greco non sa una
cosa... TI SFIDA A
CHI HA RAGIONE When a Greek doesn't know something... HE CHALLENGES YOU ON
WHO IS RIGHT.
Quando un irlandese non sa
una cosa... CI BEVE SOPRA When an Irishman doesn't know something... HE DRINKS ON
Quando un italiano non sa
una cosa... LA
INSEGNA !!! When an Italian doesn't know
something... HE TEACHES IT!!!
of the week [249 = year 5, #41]: the Mafia Godfather
(April 23, 2007 - April 29, 2007)
Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million
bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and
why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf
bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper
about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows
sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10
million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language,
asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you
are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he
doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts
it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you
don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money
is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard
in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the
balls to pull the trigger."
of the week [250 = year 5, #42]: smart dog
(April 30, 2007 - May 6, 2007)
invited his friend Bill to come to his cabin by the lake, so they could do
some duck hunting. As they enjoyed a cold beer, Joe said "My dog here is
so smart, he can tell you how many ducks are on the lake at any time."
Bill seemed sceptical, so Joe opened the door and sent the dog out. The dog
came back shortly, sat down and barked three times. When the two men looked
out, there were 3 ducks on the lake.
Later, the dog went out again, came back and barked 5
times. Sure enough, there were 5 ducks on the lake.
At supper, the dog went out again, and came back,
very excited, with a large branch in his mouth, shaking it vigorously from
side to side. Bill asked "What does that mean"? Joe said "That
means there are more ducks out there than you can shake a stick at*!"
an explanation of the origin of the expression "more than you can shake a
stick at" go to:
of the week [251 = year 5, #43]: elephant & ant
(May 7, 2007 - May 13, 2007)
After a bit too much to drink one night an ant and an elephant end up
sharing a night of passion. However, the next morning the ant wakes up to find
that the elephant is dead. "Damn," says the ant. "One night of
romance and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
of the week [252 = year 5, #44]: "gender studies"
(May 14, 2007 - May 20, 2007)
A burly, good ol' Texan on a flight flags down a steward and says, "Captain,
I want a drink but I don't see the stewardess around."
The steward answers, "Actually, I'm not the captain. This airline is
proud to have integrated many of the male-female roles of the industry. I'd be
happy to get you a drink."
Passenger: "Wow, what does the captain think of that?"
Steward: "She's all for it. In fact the entire flight crew is female."
Passenger: "I don't believe it! Take me up to the cockpit so I can see
Steward: "Actually, sir, we don't call it that anymore."
of the week [253 = year 5, #45]: Irish joke (9)
(May 21, 2007 - May 27, 2007)
Two Irish workmen are digging a ditch across from a brothel, when one
notices a rabbi walking into the place. The first workman says to the other,
"Sure, it's a sad day when men of the cloth go into a place like that."
After a little while, the other man sees a vicar walking into the brothel.
He stands up and says to his workmate: "Now, did you see that? No
wonder the children today are so confused with the example the clergy is
setting them." After about another hour, the first workman sees a
Catholic priest walk in. He promptly stands up and proclaims to his partner, "Aye,
that is truly sad. One of the poor girls must be dying."
of the week [254 = year 5, #46]: Irish joke (10)
(May 28, 2007 - June 3, 2007)
WORLD NEWS: Dublin, Ireland
men in Ireland accused of attacking a religious shrine deny that they have
ever been near the Guinness Brewery.
for more “world news” see also: http://www.wepsite.de/razzamatazz.htm
of the week [255 = year 5, #47]: Irish joke (11)
(June 4, 2007 - June 10, 2007)
The priest was giving one of his parishioners his usual lecture. "Abstinence,"
he said, "is a wonderful thing, Patrick."
"Sure, I know, Father," said Patrick, "if practised in
of the week [256 = year 5, #48]: Irish joke (12)
(June 11, 2007 - June 17, 2007)
An Irishman went to a library and asked the librarian if he could
recommend any plays for him to read. "How about Shaw?" said the
librarian. "I'll give him a try," answered the Irishman, so the
librarian handed him The Complete Plays of George Bernard Shaw. Next
day he returned saying he had finished the book and had enjoyed it very much.
"Do you have any more plays by the same author?" he enquired. For a
joke, the librarian gave him a telephone directory to take home, and when the
Irishman returned two days later the librarian asked him if he had enjoyed it.
"Well," said the Irishman, "I didn't think much of the plot,
but what a cast!"
of the week [257 = year 5, #49]: yet another duck joke (3)
(June 18, 2007 - June 24, 2007)
A duck walks into a
bar wearing a hard-hat, safety vest, and tool belt. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender,
"I'll have a beer." Flabbergasted, the
bartender pours a beer and hands it to the duck. He tosses it back and orders
another. The bartender can't believe what he's witnessing but pours another
and watches as the duck downs it in one gulp. "Where are you from?" asks
the bartender. "Construction site across the street. One more please, and
I'll be on my way." Pouring a third, he asks the duck, "Do you know how
much money you could make with the circus?" "Circus?" the duck
slams his last beer. "What would the circus want with a bricklayer?"
of the week [258 = year 5, #50]: still another doctor joke
(June 25, 2007 - July 1, 2007)
A man, feeling a bit under the weather, goes to see his doctor:
"Your heartbeat doesn't sound good," the doctor says, listening
through a stethoscope. "You've had some trouble with agina pectoris,
"In a way, doctor, you're right," answers the man, "only that
isn't her name."
of the week [259 = year 5, #51]: elephant joke (4)
(July 2, 2007 - July 8, 2007)
of the week [260 = year 5, #52]: elephant joke (5)
(July 9, 2007 - July 15, 2007)
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So they can float unseen, upside-down in custard.
T END OF FIFTH YEAR
whole collection so far: http://www.wepsite.de/joke_of_the_week.htm
the week, index: http://www.wepsite.de/Joke(s)%20of%20the%20Week.htm
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