The Art of Conversation or: Chance Meeting Peter Cook & Dudley Moore
The Scene: A chance meeting, English style: A bumps into B
A:
Hallo!
B:
How are you?
A:
I’m terribly well. And you?
B:
I’m terribly well as well.
A:
God, I must say you’re looking awfully fit.
B:
Well, I’m feeling pretty fit, actually.
A:
Yes.
B:
Isn’t it amazing, us bumping into each other like this!
A:
Yes, I mean here of all places.
B:
Here of all places. I mean I haven’t seen you since …
A:
Oh God, hold on a second.
B:
When was it? Uhm.
A:
Oh God, we haven’t seen each other. Uhm. Oh God we haven’t seen each
other, uhm, before!
B:
That’s right. We have never seen each other before, have we. You have
never seen me.
A:
I’ve never seen you. What a small world!
B:
What a small world!
A:
The last thing I expected.
B:
It must be a million to one chance.
A:
Oh, more than that.
B:
Do you think so?
A:
Couple of billion to one.
B:
Couple of billion, couple of billion and a half, possibly.
A:
Yes. Anyway, it’s always nice to see you.
B:
It’s terribly nice to see you.
A:
Tell me, are you still doing … whatever you have been doing? That is,
of course, if you ever do anything?
B:
Oh yes, I’m still with the old firm, you know.
A:
The old firm?
B:
Yes, soldiering on. I’ve just been made a director, in fact.
A:
Oh, congratulations!
B:
Well, under somewhat tragic circumstances: I stepped in poor old
Bender’s shoes? Did you know Bender?
A:
Bender? The name certainly doesn’t sound familiar. Bender who?
B:
Bender-Harrison.
A:
Oh, Bender-Harrison, yes. – No, I’ve never heard of him.
B:
You will never now. Poor chap, he died last week.
A:
God, so poor old Bender is dead.
B:
Completely dead.
A:
I’m very sorry, I had no idea.
B:
Nor did Bender. He suddenly dropped dead at the office party. Mind you,
knowing Bender the way I knew
Bender, I think that’s the way he would have wanted to go.
A:
You knowing Bender the way you knew Bender, I’m sure that’s the way
he must have wanted to go. Not much
point staying on.
B:
No, he was 106.
A:
Oh!
B:
Anyway, tell me about yourself. Are you still doing whatever you were
doing, say, two years ago?
A:
No, I gave that up two years ago.
B:
Gave it up, did you?
A:
Yes.
B:
My God, I admire your courage.
A:
Thank you.
B:
I tell you, the one thing I really ought to know that is how is your …
if you have a …?
A:
Oh, my wife! Vera.
B:
Yes, how is she?
A:
She’s awfully well.
B:
I’m so pleased.
A:
Yes, terribly well. Vera. And, of course, young Martin’s going to
school now.
B:
Martin going to school. God, how time flies!
A:
Well, time does fly indeed! Anyway, look, terribly nice to see you, but I
really ought to be dashing back to the
office, you know.
B:
Me, too. Time waits for no man, as they say. And do remember me to …
A:
Vera.
B.
You must forgive me, I’m terribly bad at names, keep forgetting them.
A:
It’s quite all right.
B:
Do remember me to, uhm, …
A:
Vera.
B:
That’s the chap (!). And jolly good luck with …it.
A:
Yes, well, and the same to you. And, look, we must keep in touch.
B:
Absolutely! Look, I’ll give you a ring.
A:
Or vice versa.
B:
Yes, we must do this again.
A:
Yes.
B:
Good bye.
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