The Art of Conversation or: Chance Meeting           Peter Cook & Dudley Moore

  The Scene: A chance meeting, English style: A bumps into B

A: Hallo!

B: How are you?

A: Iím terribly well. And you?

B: Iím terribly well as well.

A: God, I must say youíre looking awfully fit.

B: Well, Iím feeling pretty fit, actually.

A: Yes.

B: Isnít it amazing, us bumping into each other like this!

A: Yes, I mean here of all places.

B: Here of all places. I mean I havenít seen you since Ö

A: Oh God, hold on a second.

B: When was it? Uhm.

A: Oh God, we havenít seen each other. Uhm. Oh God we havenít seen each other, uhm, before!

B: Thatís right. We have never seen each other before, have we. You have never seen me.

A: Iíve never seen you. What a small world!

B: What a small world!

A: The last thing I expected.

B: It must be a million to one chance.

A: Oh, more than that.

B: Do you think so?

A: Couple of billion to one.

B: Couple of billion, couple of billion and a half, possibly.

A: Yes. Anyway, itís always nice to see you.

B: Itís terribly nice to see you.

A: Tell me, are you still doing Ö whatever you have been doing? That is, of course, if you ever do anything?

B: Oh yes, Iím still with the old firm, you know.

A: The old firm?

B: Yes, soldiering on. Iíve just been made a director, in fact.

A: Oh, congratulations!

B: Well, under somewhat tragic circumstances: I stepped in poor old Benderís shoes? Did you know Bender?

A: Bender? The name certainly doesnít sound familiar. Bender who?

B: Bender-Harrison.

A: Oh, Bender-Harrison, yes. Ė No, Iíve never heard of him.

B: You will never now. Poor chap, he died last week.

A: God, so poor old Bender is dead.

B: Completely dead.

A: Iím very sorry, I had no idea.

B: Nor did Bender. He suddenly dropped dead at the office party. Mind you, knowing Bender the way I knew Bender, I think thatís the way he would have wanted to go.

A: You knowing Bender the way you knew Bender, Iím sure thatís the way he must have wanted to go. Not much point staying on.

B: No, he was 106.

A: Oh!

B: Anyway, tell me about yourself. Are you still doing whatever you were doing, say, two years ago?

A: No, I gave that up two years ago.

B: Gave it up, did you?

A: Yes.

B: My God, I admire your courage.

A: Thank you.

B: I tell you, the one thing I really ought to know that is how is your Ö if you have a Ö?

A: Oh, my wife! Vera.

B: Yes, how is she?

A: Sheís awfully well.

B: Iím so pleased.

A: Yes, terribly well. Vera. And, of course, young Martinís going to school now.

B: Martin going to school. God, how time flies!

A: Well, time does fly indeed! Anyway, look, terribly nice to see you, but I really ought to be dashing back to the office, you know.

B: Me, too. Time waits for no man, as they say. And do remember me to Ö

A: Vera.

B. You must forgive me, Iím terribly bad at names, keep forgetting them.

A: Itís quite all right.

B: Do remember me to, uhm, Ö

A: Vera.

B: Thatís the chap (!). And jolly good luck with Öit.

A: Yes, well, and the same to you. And, look, we must keep in touch.

B: Absolutely! Look, Iíll give you a ring.

A: Or vice versa.

B: Yes, we must do this again.

A: Yes.

B: Good bye.  

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