3)  The various accents of English             

X sound: RAZZAMATAZZ,2002,The English Language.mp3  

                                Nearly everybody speaks English today                 
                                At least that is what the statistics say.
                                From the Eskimoes to the Hottentutz (sic)
                                From Ohm's Ms Meixner to Mr Lutz.

                                                    British accent
                                          Of course, the English speak English, this is very true.
                                The Scots, The Welsh, the Irish sometimes use it, too.

                                                    broad American accent
                                          There are some places where English completely disappears:
                                In America they ain't used it for years!

                                                    Australian accent: "strine"
                                          The Australians, we know, speak "strine" down under.
                               Maybe it's a kinda language, but I bloody wonder.  

                                                    South African accent
                                          In South Africa English sounds "boorish" indeed.
                               They purse their lips when they speak and when they read.

                                                  broad Cockney accent
                                            The Cockneys like to drop their aitches in the rain
                                Which, as Liza says, stays mainly in the plain.

                                                  French accent or "Franglais"
                                             The French speak English with a wonderful accent,
                                 Mais oui, le franglais sounds charming and élégant.

                                                 thick Rrrrrrussssian accent
                                              In Rrrrrussia English's surrrprrrisingly popularrr,
                                  The only prrroblem is it sounds verrry, verrry gutturrral.

                                               "sick (!) Tschörman ecksent"
                                                Meny Tschörmens speak English raser dreadfully,
                                    Siss iss 'cause se "tie aitsch" bosers sem awfully.

                                                   strong Italian accent                    
                                     In Italia dey tend-a speak-a like -a diss-a,                    >> letter from our Italian correspondent
                                    Which-a is as close-a as dey get-ta to de "Engaliss".

                                                  Chinese accent: r = l
                                                The Chinese speak Chinese and English vellly. vellly well,
                                    Only tllouble is the diffelllence is hallld to tell.

                                                                      pidgin accent
                                     The funniest English is probably pidgin.
                                     Someday it'll revolutionize language teachin'.
                                     [or: It is more better (sic) than Mr/Mrs ....'s* teaching.] * name of your English teacher

                                                                                       Texan drawl
                                                  Down Texas way you can hear 'em drawl
                                     Saying weird things like "howdy" an' "Ya'll".

                                                                  "Indlish"
                                                  An exotic singsong can be heard from Calcutta to Bombay.
                                      It's called "Indlish" and it's spoken by millions every day.

                                                                 Saxonian English
                                                  Bieb'l in Dräsd'n spieg with a funny twang,
                                     Ei, verbibbsch, how do you like my Saxonian slang?

                                                              Swabian English
                                                  D' Schwoba schwätzet Schwäbisch in ihre schmucka Heisla,
                                      And they sound just the same at Daimler Chrysler.

                                                        heavy Bavarian accent
                                                  And se Bavarians will never learn its trrricks,
                                      But sey don't care one bit and only shout "ze fix"!

                                                 broad Frangonian/Närmberch accent
                                      Finally, there is the Frangonian/Närmberch variedy,
                                      Which druly has gained a cerdain nodoriedy.

                                                                     repeat
                                       Nearly everybody speaks English today,
                                         ..............................................................        W.E.P.

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