Monty Python: SPAM

Cut to a café. All the customers are Vikings. Mr and Mrs Bun enter -downwards (on wires).

Mr Bun (Eric Idle): Morning.
Waitress (Terry Jones): Morning.
Mr Bun: What have you got, then?
Waitress: Well there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam, and spam; or lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.
Mrs Bun (Graham Chapman): Have you got anything without spam in it?
Waitress: Well, there’s spam, egg, sausage and spam. That’s not got much spam in it.
Mrs Bun: I don’t want any spam.
Mr Bun: Why can’t she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?
Mrs Bun: That’s got spam in it!
Mr Bun: Not as much as spam, egg, sausage and spam.
Mrs Bun: Look, could I have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Waitress: Uuuuuuggggh!
Mrs Bun: What d’you mean uuugggh! I don’t like spam.
Vikings (singing): Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ... spam, spam, spam, spam ... lovely spam, wonderful spam ...      Brief stock shot of a Viking ship.
Waitress: Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can’t have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Mrs Bun: Why not!
Waitress: No, it wouldn’t be egg, bacon, spam and sausage, would it.
Mrs Bun: I don’t like spam!
Mr Bun: Don’t make a fuss, dear. I’ll have your spam. I love it. I’m having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam ...
Vikings (singing):  Spam, spam, spam, spam ...
Mr Bun: ... baked beans, spam, spam and spam.
Waitress: Baked beans are off.
Mr Bun: Well can I have spam instead?
Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam spam, spam?
Vikings (still singing): Spam, spam, spam, spam ... (etc.)
Mr Bun: Yes. Waitress  Arrggh!
Vikings: ... lovely spam, wonderful, spam.
Waitress: Shut up! Shut up! 
                                                                                       etc, etc, etc.

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