ABITUR COUNTDOWN – not to be taken too seriously!
How
To Annoy Your Teacher
The following 25 time-tested methods of irritating your
teacher and persuading him or her to deduct points are guaranteed to work for
you, too. How many of the methods do you already use?
1.
Do not
give any clues of identification, like e.g. your name and the question number.
2.
Do not
read all the tasks/questions before you start working. Quickly scan the text and
then start immediately with the first question.
3.
Teachers
just love repetitions that’s why you should repeat yourself as often as
possible (“As I already said before ...”).
4.
Do not
leave any blank lines between the different tasks and answers. Your whole test
should be one long block of text; like this you will save a lot of paper and
thus help the forests.
5.
Never
put additons to an answer close to the answer itself. In general your answers
should consist of two sentences and the additons should be at least three
sentences.
6.
Try to
make as many additions as possible. Do not mark your additions so that your
teacher experiences a happy surprise when he suddenly discovers something on the
last page that belongs to your first answer.
7.
An
alternative is to mark all your additions with the asterisk *. Do not use any
clear marks like superscript numbers1, they would spoil the fun of
working out which addition belongs to which answer.
8.
Do not
answer the different parts of a question in the given order. Always start with
the last one and only then jump to the first one.
9.
Write
across the margins so the teacher has no space for comments.
10.
Write
illegibly. If you can’t, your handwriting should be as tiny as possible.
11.
If you
are not sure how to spell a word, simply write your second version over the
first one. This method is especially efficient with vowels. Your teacher just
loves to find out whether it is supposed to be an ‘a’, an ‘o’ or maybe a
‘u’.
12.
Do not
stick to the point. Don’t even say what the point is. Just waffle on about
anything that comes to your mind.
13.
Do not
reveal the source of any of your conclusions, interpretations etc. Never ever
give any line numbers, they would spoil the teacher’s fun to search for the
passage you might refer to.
14.
Do not
use any quotation marks. Let the teacher find out himself whether you used your
own words or not.
15.
If a
quotation doesn’t fit into your sentence, simply change it. If necessary just
leave out unnecessary words like not.
16.
Do not
begin a new paragraph for a new aspect, argument etc. It is so much more
entertaining for the teacher to work that out himself.
17.
Under no
circumstances indent the first line of a new paragraph. Make sure that the last
line of the previous paragraph goes to the very right margin.
18.
Do not
bother to provide transitions and signal words. Simply connect all your
sentences with And.
19.
Include
plenty of clichés and avoid any alternatives to good and bad.
20.
Either
run sentences together without full stops or
write sentence fragments or alternate
the two forms.
21.
Keep
shuffling back and forth between present and past tense, even within the same
sentence.
22.
Make
sure your pronouns do not refer to anything or anyone in particular.
23.
Sprinkle
dots everywhere.
24.
Do not
do any revising or proofreading. This would be sure to raise the grade.
25.
Never
ever use your ALD or DCE! When you come across an unknown word, just look out of
the window and guess its meaning. When you are not sure how to use a word, stare
at the ceiling and speculate.
THE
BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM THE BOTTOM LINE THE
BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE THE BOTTOM LINE