PM: The story of Little Blue Riding Hood is true, only the colour has been changed to prevent an investigation. This is the woods. My name is Wednesday. I work at homicide. Monday, February the second, 10.22 a.m., bumped into Chicken Lickin’, told me the sky was falling. I booked her on a 6.14, turned her over to psychiatrist, then a call came in on a 5.03. When I was ... 5.03 a 6.18 came in. I added up the 6.14 the 5.03 and the 6.018, got 1735, I entered it in my paper to the chief. He corrected it, okayed me 100 per cent, patted me on the head, told me I was a good cop. 11.45 a.m. it happened: I saw a little girl in a blue hood, carrying a basket. I stopped to question her.
me, ma'm, could I talk to you for a minute, ma'm?
sound: Little Blue Riding Hood.mp3
RH: What about?
PM: Nothing much, ma'm. I just want to ask you a few questions, ma'm. What's your name?
RH: Little Blue Riding Hood.
PM: Where are you going, ma'm?
RH: Grandma's house.
PM: Yes, ma'm. What have you got in your basket?
RH: What are you trying to say? I've got something in the basket I shouldn't have?
PM: No, ma'm, I didn't say that.
RH: Then, why are you asking me all these questions for?
PM: Just routine, ma'm. We just want to get the facts. May I have a look in that basket, ma'm?
RH: Be my guest.
PM: Let's see: sawed-off shotgun, knife bludgeon, a box of dumdum shells. Nothing suspicious here. All right, we may talk to you later, so don't leave
She skipped on down the path, but she didn't know I had seen the concealed compartment in the basket. In it, what I had
suspected all along: goodies! My job: get to grandma's before she did. I took a shortcut through the strawberry patch. It
was sort of a strawberry shortcut. I walked up to the cottage, rang the bell.
GR: Come in, dear.
PM: Okay, grandma it's a raid!
GR: A raid, why? I'm just a peace-loving old lady. You've got the wrong grandma.
PM: Yes, ma'm. We just want to get the facts. Where did you get that bump on your head?
GR: The sky fell on me this morning.
PM: I made a note to book her on a 6.14 and to turn her over to a psychiatrist. I tied her up, put her in the closet. Then I put on grandma's suit and got
PM: Come in, ma'm.
RH: Hello, grandma, I got the loot. What are you doing in bed?
PM: I'm feeling poorly.
RH: But grandma, what big ears you have!
PM: All the better to get the facts. I just want to get the facts, ma'm.
RH: But grandma, what a big subpoena (1) you have in your pocket! (1) subpoena: gerichtliche Vorladung
PM: All the better to serve (2) you with. (2) to serve sb. with a subpoena: jemand gerichtlich vorladen
RH: But, grandma what a big 0.38 police special you have pointed at me!
PM: All the better to take you in. You are under arrest. You and your grandma are operating a goodies ring.
RH: But cop, I should have known.
PM: Known what, ma'm?
RH: You look nothing like my grandma. You forgot about the moustache.
PM: But I don't have a moustache.
RH: I know, but grandma does.
CH: Well, I see you broke the goodies ring. How did you get a lead on her, Joe? (3) (to play a) hunch: (sich verlassen auf) Vorahnung, Gefühl
PM: I just played a hunch (3), Frank. It was just a hunch.
I played my luck. Sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't. I was just lucky. I just played a hunch. Frank.
CH: What you're trying to say, Joe, is (that) you just played a hunch, a lucky guess. Sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't. You just played a
hunch. Is that what you are trying to tell me, Joe? -
PM: Yeah, I just played a hunch.
Stan Freberg: www.freberg.8m.com back to audio files, index back to homepage
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