Politically Correct Christmas
opens with everyone mingling at the executive office of the Diverse
Communications Corporation for a company "Holiday Party." Four of
the workers are very liberal non-believers and two are Christians).
Well everybody, it's been a long year but it's almost over. Welcome to the
first annual "Diverse Communications Holiday Celebration." Our
company has really done well this year and now it's time to kick back and have
a little fun.
I wouldn't miss it for the world, Janice. We need more leisure time in
Corporate America today. I was watching PBS the other day and they were doing
a very informative documentary on Canada. Did you know that they think America
takes itself to seriously?
Wow, the Canadians are so enlightened!
I agree, and I'm glad that we can be a voice of reason and enlightenment in
this selfish, capitalistic culture that we live in.
on Larry. There's too much closed-mindedness and bigotry in society today. I
wish every school or business out there was as tolerant and diverse as we are
(all the members of the group give hearty affirmations in agreement).
guys, I can't stay very long, but before I forget, I want to wish all of you a
very Merry Christmas (room goes silent).
John, maybe you haven't read the company policy, and I thought we were all on
the same page here, but we don't say "Merry Christmas" at this
company, we say "Happy Holidays." Hey Charlie, can you pour me
Huh? Why? What's the big deal?
The big deal, John, is that we live in a diverse and pluralistic society, and
"Happy Holidays" is a more respectful, open-minded phrase to use.
Well I guess I just don't see how someone could be offended by me saying
being so narrow-minded and judgmental, John! Why can't you just respect people
who don't have the same beliefs as you?!
I didn't think I was being disrespectful, but isn't Christmas a time of…
not Christmas, "The Holidays."
You're leaving early? Where do you need to be anyway?
I was going to take my wife and kids to the Christmas Eve service at our
Figures. Leave it to the Jesus Freak to want to impose his values on the rest
I think you and your church should maybe consider doing a "Holiday
Eve" service instead where all different faiths can come together to
celebrate the "Higher Power"-if one does indeed exist, that is. That
would be much more open-minded than all of this narrow Jesus stuff. That
have to agree with John. How is he imposing his faith by saying "Merry
Christmas"? And I'm also a Christian, if you want to be tolerant and
open-minded shouldn't you be thinking about us too?
don't you push your beliefs on me, Crystal!
don't you read your own Bible? Judge not, lest ye be judged, thou hypocrite! (Room
is now worked up into a commotion).
not judging anybody! I'm just saying that Christians have rights too and that
Christmas has its roots with the birth of Jesus.
I'm sure if the historical Jesus did indeed exist back then and was here right
now that he would not support this kind of bigotry from you. I'm ashamed of
you two. This is not the kind of attitude I would expect from my Diverse
Well where do you think we got the word "Christmas" from? It comes
from the root word "Christ." (Everyone gets real quiet and begins
thinking to themselves).
(Seems very intrigued) Wow, that's a really good point Crystal, I never
really thought about that. Thanks for pointing this out (pauses). OK
everybody, from now on the word "Christmas" is also banned in our
company speech code (The rest cheer).
Oh come on! This is getting ridiculous!
You're free to practice your religion in private, John. But you have to
realize that the Cross offends some of us.
How does mentioning Christmas, or yes, even Jesus offend you? Nobody is
forcing you to believe what I believe, but you're forcing me to take
everything spiritual out of Christmas. That's not fair.
Ok, fine, can't we at least get in the Christmas spirit and put up a Christmas
tree? There's nothing really that spiritual about that.
don't see any problem with putting up a holiday tree.
But Janice, what about people that suffer from denodrophobia--you know, the
fear of trees? Shouldn't we be thinking about their needs too?
Good point, Janice. No, I'm sorry Crystal. A holiday tree would be offensive
to dendrophobics, therefore it will not be allowed.
Can we at least sing a Christmas (everyone shoots him a look)-ugh,
Holiday Carol? How about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer?
That song is offensive to people who don't have perfect noses! It's
right, let's just be safe and avoid all Holiday Carols.
do you people justify this nonsense?
you ever heard the phrase "Separation of Church and State",
hatemonger? It's in the constitution you know.
isn't the State, we're a business, and no, that phrase is never used in the
constitution. And what are you talking about? How is my being a vocal and
practicing Christian establishing a state religion?
That's it, I've had enough of this abuse. Janice, I'm calling my friends at
the Un-American Un-Civil Anti-Liberties Union and I'm suing John and Crystal
for violating my rights! Take that you Christian!
That's not going to be necessary Larry. I'll take care of this. John,
Crystal…I didn't want to have to do this but I'm afraid it's necessary.
Because of your continued insistence on using the term "Christmas"
instead of "Holidays," and because of your insistence on publicly
talking about Jesus Christ and failing to consider that not everyone shares
you religion, I'm afraid that I have no other choice but to send you two away.
You're firing us?!
Janice: No, not yet at least. I want to give you two a chance to change
your ways first. I'm sending you off to the "Tolerance and Diversity
Penitentiary Reform Institution." Hopefully you'll learn what it means to
be truly open-minded. Come and get 'em boys! (Two individuals in white
outfits enter and handcuff John and Crystal).
John: This is crazy. This is the most intolerant, judgmental group I've ever
That's enough out of you Jesus-freak. Start walking (starts leading him
It's for your own good. Over at the Tolerance and Diversity Penitentiary your
eyes will be opened and you'll repent from your hate-filled and narrow-minded
Look who is talking!
Officer #2: Let's
go bigot (Leads her out).
Ugh, leave it to the Christians to ruin the Holiday Season. I don't feel like
being here anymore, I'm going home to watch my George Carlin tapes.
That's fine. I think I'm going to go join the protestors from United Earth to
demand that all these Holiday Trees stop being cut down. You all can leave if
you want. I'll see you guys Monday. (Everyone exists but Sara and Charlie).
Man, I can't believe how ignorant and intolerant some people are. We still
apparently have a long way to go.
I agree, it's sickening. Oh well, I'm out of here. Happy Holidays.
take care, Happy Holidays.